dualities

My academic career was short-lived.

Some people persist in calling me a scholar, which I am not. I read, sure, but that just makes me literate. I enjoy intellectual conversation and, rather than reducing the experiences that comprise a life to anecdotes and examples, I relish in teasing out the complexities that prove life is more complicated and beautiful than any of us could ever understand.

Some people would prefer to think life is simple; or that things are only as complicated as you make them. Some people....

How about this:

There are two of you – one that faces in, and one that faces out.

Out is typically the simple one. It's the one that says, "What you see is what you get." Out is the one that calls a spade a spade and doesn't pull punches and recognizes that everyone is out (pun intended) for themselves, so why shouldn't I be? We need Out because Out is competitive and bold and its ends justify its means.

Out is the lie we tell the world to protect In. Out hides In.

In, on the other hand, is vulnerable. In has doubts. In, though, knows it takes strength to say "I'm sorry," and strives to understand why everyone else is hiding behind their Out. In is the real standard by which we live our lives because at the end of the day, when Out isn't staring at you in the mirror, In is the only one around.

Some people have an Out that is so radiant and amazing that it's easy to forget there's an In. So easy, that they themselves might not even remember that there's In in them. But In is special. In is where we really live. In is substance, In is character, In is what lasts because Out is just about everyone else. In is for you. Just for you... and the few, privileged people who let you in and you let them in, in return.

In is in.

So, people, don't neglect in. In will be with you always, but if you let it, In will get weak and let you down when you need In the most.

My academic self was my Out. I wasn't even aware that it still was. Maybe it is, and maybe I'm just too In to care. I guess balance is worth something too.